The Secret World of Ridiculously Specific Dating Sites

This column appears in the March issue of AVN magazine. Click here for the digital issue. As daters continue to look for love online, new dating sites have popped up for people with specific interests. Existing niche dating sites you may have missed include one for people who want to date clowns (“If you are a clown, a clown wannabe, or just a clown lover...”) and another one for Amish lovers. (“Get in touch with devoted singles from the Amish community!”) There is even one called diapermates.com, for adults who want to change each other’s diapers, proving that there is always someone out there weirder than you are. IT’S A SMALL WORLD DATING The newest dating sites get down to the long and short of penis size. Dinky One, is for “connecting those with a smaller penis to those who prefer one. If you think you have a mini willy” they say “there’s no need to be embarrassed. This means anyone you date will be fully aware and you can avoid unnecessary pressure or anxiety.” They also note that, “There’s pressure on all genders to conform to ideals set by TV, film and porn. The adult entertainment industry only casts males with well over average-sized penises. All of this makes a man already insecure about his size, even more self conscious.” It’s the dating site inspired by huge porn dick!  The “world’s largest dating site for small penis dating” features an app as well, and is open to all genders, including female, male, and transgender. The site explains the different sizes of penises including the “micropenis” which they explain as “defined by an erect size less than 3.5 inches/9 cm. “If you fall into this group and have struggled with sexual partners in the past you need to try Dinky One!” they suggest. They also answer the question of who likes a tiny wee wee. “There are women who find sexual intercourse painful,” they say. “And there are also women who have a fetish interest in small guys, often they play a dominant role." (As in “Get that small weenie outta my face!”)  BIG SHOT DATING For the well hung and the size queens who love them, Big One, “Large Penis Dating” is “open to any male who has an above average penis (5.5 inches erect) or any person (of any gender) who prefers a larger penis.” Since this site and app doesn’t need to explain the different sizes of penises, I will. (There are four sizes of penises: small, medium, large, and OMG you’re going to kill me with that thing!) The site was created by the creator of Dinky One, who was asked to create a site “for lovers of larger penises.” Founder David Minns told us that, “Although larger men may not struggle with penis insecurity, there are people who prefer their partners to be big. Finding such a partner is difficult on other dating sites. If size matters to you then BIG one lets you focus on building the relationship knowing they meet your expectations.” Sending unsolicited dick pics to the ladies is not allowed however, (since we get those sent when we’re not on dating sites) but the direct messaging feature allows people to exchange whatever consensual donkey dick pics they want. And if any of the ladies out there (or anyone of any gender) is at a loss for words when they see a really huge one, feel free to lift a line I heard in a gay adult video: “Give it to me you big prick.”  THE BALD AND THE BEAUTIFUL A third site by David Minns, who calls himself “Niche dating man,” is Bald Dating, where “heads and personalities shine.” He decided to create the site and app “after reading stories online about a new dating craze called ‘hatfishing” where men who are bald wear hats to pretend they aren’t bald. “Hatfishing is when a man who is not confident about his baldness or thinning hair hides under a hat on his dating profile and doesn’t let his partner know,” he says. “I had to do something.” And Bald Dating was born. The dating site is “for anyone with a bald head or thinning hair.” Minns, who is bald, says that, “Having virtually no hair doesn’t bother me in the slightest, except getting a bit cold in the winter and sunburnt in the summer.” A recent study from The University of Pennsylvania found that bald men were perceived as more “attractive, dominant, and confident.”   DATING ON A HIGHER LEVEL For daters who want to share the wonder weed with other sexy (stoned) daters, there are dating sites and apps for people who want to “weed out” other people. Daters here are looking for people who won’t judge them for smoking the magical plant. For those who see themselves as pot connoisseurs rather than “stoners,” cannabis dating apps help you meet your future bud smoking sex buddy. High There! is more for bong friends or friends with benefits, while My420Date is for people looking for their “Mary Jane.”  Sex and cannabis can be an amazingly erotic experience, and many sex therapists recommend couples try the plant for its relaxing yet exciting side effects. High There! asks questions only a pot app would ask, such as your preferences (sativa, indica, edibles) and what your “energy level is once you’re high. (Caffeinated vs. “couch lock.”) The app locates users near you like Tinder and lets you post a video, perfect for letting someone know what you are really thinking about right after you took a big bong hit.