November 03, 2020 |
Virtual DomCon NOLA Dominates the Weekend |
LOS ANGELESââIf any sex worker could make Zoom work for them, it would be a domme,â was the unofficial theme of this yearâs DomCon NOLA, a virtual celebration that still packed a wallop. Founded 17 years ago, DomCon, like AVNâs Adult Entertainment Expo, serves multiple purposes: allowing people interested in the craft, art, and lifestyle of Dominant/submissive roleplay to learn from the pros, to sell the tools of the trade, and to give the fetish/BDSM community a place to network, regroup, and compare notes. This yearâs NOLA event, featuring attendees from across the United States, Europe, and Australia, coincided with when the in-person New Orleans DomCon would have happened in a non-pandemic year. âThe board and I talked about it,â says Mistress Cyan, who also founded the flagship DomCon Los Angeles, âand we knew we couldnât not do it; weâre a community that needs its community.â Presented for that community was a series of seminars as well as the virtual dance parties and chatrooms that have become the norm this year for adult conventions forced to move online. The well-attended âTraveling Sex Work,â hosted by Lady Linni & Madame Rose, offered comprehensive advice âand the occasional grim realityâto BDSM practitioners on the road. âYou need to research the city youâre traveling to until youâre exhausted,â says Lady Linni. âKnow the laws, and contact people in the city. In places like Arizona, offering masochistic services is treated like prostitution.â Linni and Rose detailed vetting clients, methods of keeping themselves and their money safe, and numerous practical tips to minimize risks both physical and financial. âAnd donât expect to get a good hotel room in Indianapolis when thereâs a Colts game,â Linni says. âTrust your instincts about people,â says Rose. âAnd donât be afraid to walk away.â Adds Cyan, âIf it doesnât feel right, it probably isnât.â Considering the porn industry so often trades on younger women, Linni remarked that the BDSM world rewards age and experience. Indeed, many of the presenters appeared to be over 50. âA really young âdommeâ would stand out, and not in a good way,â says Linni, referencing what might attract the attention of local police. âItâs hard to be discreet at that age. Give it some time! Wait!â In her âdeveloping Your Submissive Sideâ lecture, L.A.-based Queen Ana Algos argued that submissives shouldnât âlay there like a starfishâ but instead actively engage in negotiations in their sessions, insisting on open communication as well as consent that could be revoked if the sub didnât feel right about it. âJust because youâre a submissive doesnât give anyone the right to do anything they want to your body,â says Algos. âBut itâs also important to be realistic. One of the biggest turnoffs (to a domme) is people who say, âOh I donât have any limits.â Yeah, you do. âJust like in the real world, you have to be a person that other people can trust,â she adds. In âVerbal Domination Skills,â Madame Rose presented her own list and solicited suggestions from the eager dominatrices in the audience, none of which would be alien to an attendee of a weekend motivational seminar (albeit with more instances of the word âbitchâ). âSpeak clearly. Make eye contact. Lean closer. Have zero affect. Lean. Feign disinterest,â Rose says, noting that the role of a domme is also to build people up afterwards, offering validation according to the submissiveâs preferences. DomConâs closing day featured a TED talk-level presentation by the Australian domme and scholar Anne O Nomis, whose ââFrom Ancient Goddess Rituals to Female Flagellants & The Bizarre Underground: The History of the Dominatrixâ drew on research that took âNomisâ to little-visited museum collections and forbidden tomes in search of the sacred and ritualized ancient origins of what would only much later be called the dominatrix. Her 2012 book The History & Arts of the Dominatrix collects art and documentation from Egypt, Sparta, and Pompeii before it gets to the 1960s, when the term âdominatrixâ became de rigeur. Before that, words like âgoverness, whipstress, flagellant, bizarre lady,â or âstrict madamâ were common. If staging panels and webinars through a series of small windows ever seemed overwhelming to the planners and staff, the occasional technical glitch quickly submitted to a series of incandescent personalities. Danny, the craftsman/owner of gear supplier Leather by Danny, says, âVirtual is easyâyou canât get slapped!â
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