Celebrity Sex Club Uses Rapid COVID Tests

Snctm, the super secret underground sex club for celebrities and those who can afford $3,750 a couple, will screen all pleasure seekers with a rapid COVID-19 test before they even enter. Snctm’s mission is “the eroticism of the human race.”  “There are no sinners, just sexual indulgence,” they say. “Taste the fruit of excess. Watch beautiful bodies writhe without shame.” Some people know how to party. To make the evening look more formal, the dress code at Snctm is “strict black tie with tuxedos and bow-tie” for men and ball gowns, cocktail dresses, or lingerie for women. And since everyone has been pre-tested for COVID and aren’t required to wear masks, most party guests wear theatrical eye masks, a la Eyes Wide Shut, which psychologically lowers people’s inhibitions.  In 2017 I attended a Snctm party at a big house in Holmby Hills, close to the Playboy Mansion in Beverly Hills. At the time, Damon Lawner, who founded Snctm, told me that it was “not a swinger’s party,” that it was “erotic theater.” I did go to a swinger’s party once. (Okay, twice), so I wanted to see the difference. Lawner, who has since sold the business to an “anonymous buyer," reportedly includes a number of investors. Original celebrity party guests include Gwyneth Paltrow and her producer husband, Brad Falchuck, who produced a short-lived docuseries on Snctm for Showtime. VIP inner sanctum Memberships range from $10,000 to $90,000, and individual parties range from $1,750-$3,750 a couple. Men must be accompanied by a woman, like the etiquette at swinger’s parties, so that guys don’t creep out on the single women there. When I went, I ran into a talk show host whose show I went on—who asked, “What are you doing here?” Me: “I was just going to ask you the same thing!”  What makes these parties truly unique is the entertainment, courtesy of Snctm’s “erotic troupe” of performers who create the sexy spectacle. Upon arrival, two topless women in Zorro masks and ballet tutus greeted us at the door, took our coats and then pirouetted around the room. Another performer on all fours offered drinks to guests from a silver tray on her back.  Entertainment for the “intimate” couples dinner party that preceded the sex party consisted of three absolutely gorgeous young women going down on each other. My boyfriend, who I invited as my guest — and who thought the choice of “date night” made me the world’s coolest girlfriend, commented while the girls were tonguing each other and slurping away with, “Now that’s what I call good eatin’. Yum.” “I just hope you learned something,” I told him.    After the dinner, the party opened to the rest of the guests, who were required to send in headshots and full-body pics to be considered. “Female guests must live up to a certain aesthetic level,” Lawner told me, which meant if you’re hot you’re in. If you’re not, you’re not invited. The same beauty standards do not apply to the men, who instead pay the big bucks to attend. My only criticism was that the club needed more hot guys for the ladies to balance out all the beautiful female eye candy. Walking into the living room, the party at first looked like an elegant cocktail party in someone’s swanky house, but on closer look, half the women were wearing lingerie and heels, and looked spectacular. The Venetian and Mardi Gras masks everyone was wearing made the party look decadent and hedonistic. One of the “erotic troupe” members wore only a black cape, and was doing a girl from behind in front of the fire place, as guests non-chalantly sipped cocktails. As more beautiful people streamed in, the party heated up and at one point there were 20 people sprawled all over the bed upstairs, including one A-list rock star I had a crush on since I was 12. He was fingering a girl’s butt who had her ass lifted up. I couldn’t stop staring and accidentally made eye contact with him. He smiled, so I gave him the thumbs up. He gave me the thumbs up with the thumb he wasn’t using.   Meanwhile, the performers continued the erotic entertainment by engaging in a mini-orgy on the bed with each other, one girl wearing a black latex mask and huge white bunny ears. The dress code added to the spectacle. By the end of the evening it looked like an Academy Awards after-party crossed with a group sex scene. By this time, guys were wearing tuxedo jackets and no pants, and women had their Oscar De La Renta Oscar dresses peeled off. That busy bed looked like a swinger’s party to me, except that everyone was gorgeous, and some people were famous. My boyfriend, whose boner wouldn’t go down for two days, told me, “Thank you for inviting me to the Pagan Hollywood sex cult party. I love LA.” The next secret sex party is on Halloween in New York City, which promises a “repertoire of rituals." Another will happen sometime in November in New York, followed by Miami, and Moscow. Check out the future of erotic events at at snctm.com Photo courtesy of Snctm