Oh Good: The UK Has “Comprehensive” Online Protection in Mind

Last week, I read that the UK’s idea to make porn sites adopt age verification was dead. As it turns out though, it seems to be merely mostly dead, to borrow a line from The Princess Bride.

So, what’s the deal, you ask?

According to Matt Warman, who holds the job of Parliamentary Under-Secretary of State for Digital, Culture, Media and Sport (which is, amazingly, nowhere near the longest job title available in the UK’s government), it will “always be the priority of this Government, and probably of any Government, to protect citizens in general and children in particular.” And because it’s such a high priority for the UK government to protect children, the UK government has “concluded that this objective of coherence and comprehensiveness will be best achieved through the wider online harms proposals.”

“That is why we do not propose to commence part 3 of the Digital Economy Act 2017,” Warman continued. “As currently drafted, the Act does not cover social media platforms, for instance, which is something that she and I both know was of concern to this House. It will give us a further opportunity to revisit the definition of pornographic material, which was also a concern of some Members.”

The first thing that went through my head when I read that comment was a question: How long now until we’re told implementation of the measures recommended in the aforementioned online harms proposal has been indefinitely postponed?

I’m not the only one wondering that, as it happens. Tom Watson, an MP from West Bromwich East (which is way, way nicer than East Bromwich West, by the way) raised the possibility of the whole idea of protecting children online would go down the parliamentary drain, when all has been said and done.

“The bigger danger in all this is that it is a sign of what is to come: that the online harms legislation that we so badly need will also be delayed, disrupted and finally abandoned in the ‘too difficult to implement’ box,” Watson said. “We must not let that happen.”

Eh, I dunno Tom; from where I sit, letting that happen might be the best idea you British government types have had in a long time.

“Every day our children are viewing hateful and harmful material online — material so sickening that it drives some young people to suicide and others to extremist violence and murder,” Watson continued. “These are the frontier challenges of internet regulation. We need to keep our kids safe. Any Government taking on the tech giants will need determination and meticulous attention to detail. That has been utterly lacking thus far. The Government must not fail again.”

While I agree with Watson that his government’s attention to detail has been “utterly lacking thus far,” the idea that the UK is going to cook up a series of regulations that substantially alter the online environment, or substantially limit kids’ access to it, is dubious at best.

The Brits do sound determined, though. In response to Watson’s critiques and skepticism, Warman says the UK government is going to get it right next time — and get it right in a way that goes well beyond age verification.

“Age verification will be a key part of the online harms agenda,” Warman said. “It will be a key tool in the box, but the toolbox will, through the online harms agenda, be bigger. I say honestly that the inclusion of the online harms Bill in the Queen’s Speech is testament to the Government’s commitment to delivering it, and we will be bringing it forward for pre-legislative scrutiny so that we can get it right. I hope that the BBFC will be a key part of the future of this process, because its expertise is in the classification of content. I am going to see its chief executive shortly; my officials have already been in touch. We look forward to working together with the BBFC.”

And we look forward to seeing the work you do with the BBFC, Matt!

Just to be clear, BBFC does stand for “Big Black French Cock,” right?

Joking aside, this much is clear: Just because the UK couldn’t get its ducks in a row well enough to actually implement the age verification scheme it envisioned doesn’t mean we’ve heard the last of their bright ideas on internet regulation. And that should make those of us in the adult industry a wee bit nervous — even if we like BBFCs.