Ex-Buzzfeed Writer Reveals ‘How To Have Feminist Sex’ In New Book

“People are into lots of different things. It’s okay to tell your partner, ‘this is what I think about when I masturbate’ and for it not to be a scary secret,” says 27-year-old British writer and illustrator Flo Perry. “If I had read this book when I was 18, it would have really changed my life.” The book she’s talking about is her own new, illustrated, How to Have Feminist Sex: A Fairly Graphic Guide, which was published on Thursday by Penguin Books in the United Kingdom. The book is her first, after a post-university career "writing stupid jokes for the internet," as a writer for BuzzFeed. But it was a 2015 viral post for that site, titled, "This is How Lesbians Have Sex" that opened the door for her first foray into authoring an illustrated sex guide.  Perry came out as a lesbian at age 15, but now says she considers herself bisexual. The book, according to a review by the U.K. news site Metro, “features chapters on pubes, virginity, casual sex, orgasms and much more, but above all, it champions the idea of choice.” For Perry, the definition of “feminist” sex is much more about what women—and men—can do sexually, rather than what they can’t or shouldn’t. “Want to be clean-shaven downstairs? It doesn’t make you a bad feminist,” wrote Metro reviewer Almara Abgarian. “Want to have sex all the time with loads of people? Go for it.” “Feminism is very trendy these days and you see the word in the media a lot. But a lot of the conversation around sex and feminism seems to be just about how sex is a source of trauma in women’s lives,” Perry told Metro. “I want us also to talk about how it can be a place of pure joy!” In another interview, with the site Vice.com, Perry explained that, “feminist sex is all about having the sex you want to be having, rather than the sex you think you should be having.”  But Perry is well aware of the perceived contradictions in her chosen subject. “Feminism isn’t very sexy. Most people don’t have feminist sexual fantasies because it’s boring,” she admits, saying that her book, and her view of “feminist sex,” encompass the possibility of indulging—with what she calls “enthusiastic consent”—even fantasies and sexual scenarios that might seem to be the opposite of what is typically considered “feminist.” “You might fantasize about being a secretary who’s fucked by her boss, because it’s hot. If you get turned on by being in a submissive role in a sexist scenario, that might not change, and a lot of people are turned on by that,” she told Vice. “It’s feminist to indulge yourself in that, and know that’s not really your self-worth. You can be the CEO, even if—when you’re fucked—you’re the secretary.” Photo via Penguin Books