Offensive Crayons Launches Color-Naming Contest for Adults-Only Crayons

LOS ANGELES – Watch out, Boaty McBoatface; you may be in for a little competition. No, there isn’t another watercraft-naming contest afoot, but there is one to come up with “obscenely off-color names” for crayon colors.

The contest is the brainchild of Offensive Crayons, which has launched its first-ever Color Naming Contest, in search of “the most tasteless, but clever, captions to stake claim on a crayon color.”

“We have received many perfectly inappropriate and objectionable suggestions over the years, and apparently we’re quite hard to impress,” said Offensive Crayons founder Alice Vaughn. “We’ve got $500 on the line for a really good color name, so don’t let us down!”

The winning entrant will receive a prize of $500, along with their winning name displayed on the crayon pack.

Vaughn said that Color Naming Contest entries should be witty and follow the Porn/Sex theme, with the joke or phrase being reasonably obvious “to even the dumbest person you know,” and to steer clear of the timely/topical.

“We’re looking for the classics – crass and politically incorrect captions that will stand the test of time,” Vaughn said.

Offensive Crayons line of adults-only crayons, which sport names like Statutory Grape, Golden Shower Goldenrod and Travel Ban Brown, were developed in 2017 as an accompaniment to adult coloring books, which are now selling worldwide.

The Offensive Crayons Color Naming Contest ends September 1st and the winner will be announced shortly thereafter.