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March 09, 2016

Judicial Watch Sues CIA Over Bin Laden Porn Stash

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In the days after Navy Seals conducted their 2011 raid on the compound in Abbottabad, Pakistan, where former Al Qaeda leader Osama Bin Laden was holed up, killing him in the process, the news media were all over the fact that the Muslim cleric had a fairly large stash of porn on the premises, apparently for his own use. There was plenty of speculation about what that stash might contain—bondage? Muslim women without hijabs? Naked Jewish women? Gay Iraqi soldiers getting it on in the battlefield?—but then ... nothing. So it was almost inevitable that someone would finally ask to see the material, either for research purposes or possibly just for a good laugh—but who'd'a thunk that the people filing that FOIA notice would be the incredibly conservative legal group Judicial Watch? (Their current projects include seeking testimony from government officials regarding whether Hillary Clinton's use of a non-government email server led to FOIA violations, and recent "reports" include The Benghazi Cover UP and The Obama IRS Scandal.) But that's just what Judicial Watch did last June: Filed a FOIA request with the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) for "All pornographic material collected during and/or after the U.S. military operation in Abbotabad, Pakistan on or about May 1, 2011 that killed Osama bin Laden" as well as a "catalog or index" of all of those materials that would have been prepared after their seizure. The CIA got Judicial Watch's request on June 23, 2015, and even assigned it a reference number, but after that ... crickets. Trouble is, by law, the CIA had to either produce the documents within 20 days after receiving the request, tell Judicial Watch that it needed more time to collect the data, or deny the request altogether. It had until July 22 of last year to do one of those things, but it did none of them—so now, Judicial Watch is suing the agency in federal court, seeking a response to its FOIA request. "Plaintiff is being irreparably harmed by reason of Defendant’s unlawful withholding of records responsive to Plaintiff’s FOIA request, and Plaintiff will continue to be irreparably harmed unless Defendant is compelled to conform their conduct to the requirements of the law," one paragraph of Judicial Watch's complaint reads. Of course, we don't want to be spoilsports, but frankly, those words penned by a Judicial Watch attorney somehow don't ring quite true. "Irreparably harmed"? Hey, we like good jack- and jill-off material as much as anyone, but guys, there's an awful lot of it out there that would probably be just as good, if not better, than anything seized from a Muslim leader's home. In fact, give us your address and we'll send you some for free! But on the other hand, who wouldn't want to know what the former Most Wanted Person In The World was getting off on? If nothing else, WoodRocket would probably want to do a parody of it, and think of the jump in sales if any of that material turned out to be American porn DVDs! Bottom line: Good luck, Judicial Watch—and after you're done jacking off to the stuff yourselves, please let the world know what you got, okay?

 
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