Attention Porn Fans: Carly Fiorina Is Not Your Friend

WASHINGTON, D.C.—It would definitely be nice for the United States finally to have a woman President, since so many other countries have had female leadership for years, if not decades in some cases. But for adult entertainment fans, that woman might not be former Hewlett-Packard CEO Carly Fiorina. Of course, she hasn't announced yet that she's running, although she told Fox News's Chris Wallace this past weekend on Fox News Sunday that her chances of seeking the nomination were "higher than 90 percent." But despite the fact that Fiorina was forced out of Hewlett-Packard in 2005, she still thinks her experience in the tech sector—she was a Senior VP at AT&T, as well as president of one division of that company's spin-off Lucent Technologies—makes her the ideal candidate "because I have a deep understanding of how the economy actually works, having started as a secretary and become the chief executive of the largest technology company in the world; because I understand how the world works and know many of the world leaders on the stage today; because I understand technology, a transformational tool; because I understand bureaucracies, how they work and how you need to change them—and our government is a huge bureaucracy—and because I understand executive decision-making, which is making tough calls in tough times for high stakes for which you're prepared to be held accountable." Sounds great, right? I mean, who wouldn't want someone with that understanding of the inner workings of government—even if she's a Republican and a failed senatorial candidate—she faced off against Barbara Boxer in 2010—and, according to the Los Angeles Times, she hadn't voted in most elections, supported California's Proposition 8 which banned same-sex marriage and doesn't believe in global climate change? Well, there's yet another reason not to vote for her: As she rhetorically asked Wallace on Fox News Sunday, "How many Inspector General reports do we need to read that say, you know, you can watch porn all day long and get paid exactly the same way as somebody who’s trying to do their job?" Yep, that's what Carly thinks a lot of government workers do: Watch porn all day. That statement suggests two things: 1) She has little idea what goverrnment workers do all day, and 2) considering all the ways she could have mentioned about government workers wasting their time at work, she's got a real hard-on (if one will pardon the expression) for people watching porn. So to paraphrase the unseen spokesman for Star-Kist Tuna, "Sorry, Carly."