'Definitive' Study Revises Average Human Penis Size ... Down

PENISVILLE—There have been, it is safe to say, many, many studies conducted over the years by dedicated researchers around the globe seeking to ascertain a definitive answer to one of science's great unanswered questions—what is the length of the average human penis? While some people believe the answer is right in front of us, as obvious as the nose on our face, science is never satisfied with the anecdotal but requires data-supported research before it will even hazard an answer. But even then, differing and difficult methodologies—along with a certain je ne sais quoi—have left previous studies tinged with a stain of doubt regarding the accuracy of their claims regarding what defines the "normal" penis, as well as the gradations at either extreme. AVN has written about these studies before, of course, including in 2013 in an article headlined, Penis Length Survey Reports 5.57 Erect Inches on Average. That study, which had been conducted by Dr. Debby Herbenick, a sex researcher at Indiana University and sexual health educator at The Kinsey Institute, was typical of many in that it relied on the "trust method" of measurement, which, when it comes to penis size, contains obvious and inherent conflicts of interest. Still, as the headline stated, Herbenick's results were no less precise than to break down the size of the average penis to the hundredths of an inch, a precision that few men probably bother with but which researchers are clearly enamored of. Now comes a new study, but not just any study following in the footsteps of all the other penis size research. As sciencemag.org reported earlier this week, "When [David] Veale and his team set out to settle the score on penile proportions, they decided to compile data from clinicians who followed a standardized measuring procedure." To that end, the new study, which was published Monday in the British Journal of Urology International, synthesized "data from 17 previous academic papers that included measurements from a total of 15,521 men from around the world. The data enabled the researchers to calculate averages and model the estimated distribution of penile dimensions across humanity." Now we're talking. Unfortunately (or not), the data compilation resulted in numbers that cut a few of those hundreds of an inch off the averages. "According to the team’s analysis," noted sciencemag.org, "the average flaccid, pendulous penis is 9.16 cm (3.61 inches) in length; the average erect penis is 13.12 cm (5.16 inches) long. The corresponding girth measurements are 9.31 cm (3.66 inches) for a flaccid penis and 11.66 cm (4.59 inches) for an erect one." Dr. Veale of King's College London expressed in a release why he feels the results will be helpful, explaining, "We believe these graphs will help doctors reassure the large majority of men that the size of their penis is in the normal range. We will also use the graphs to examine the discrepancy between what a man believes to be their position on the graph and their actual position or what they think they should be." All well and good, but we can't help wondering what it is about the fact that the average penis has now been downsized to a shade over 5 inches that will be of such solace to the vast majority of men? Indeed, we also question in what universe the researcher exists that he could reasonably believe that a man would feel any consolation in knowing that almost everyone else shares in his now greater misfortune, and that the cocks he regularly sees in porn are now even more statistically monstrous than he and the universe previously assumed. Sorry to say, but all best intentions aside, bending the curve down will likely result in more depression for the masses rather than less, for, like the economy, it only highlights the vast chasm between the haves and have-nots.  Image: Penis size nomogram created from Veale study data.