Op-Ed: Jacking Off Is Like a War Wound? How Messed Up Is That?

CYBERSPACE—"The temptations of the Great War are many. The battles are real, and the strategies are clever. The enemy is cruel, ruthless and relentless. We must not underestimate the danger. We must be vigilant and valiant." Sounds like something a Republican would say about those Commies in the Soviet Union at the height of the Cold War, right? Wrong! It's the latest salvo fired by the Idaho branch of Brigham Young University (BYU-I) which, if you haven't been living in a basement most of your life, you know is one of the primary centers of Mormonism. See, the Mormons, like (sadly) several other religions we could name, have this thing about porn and masturbation. Maybe it's because it feels good. Maybe it's because watching porn and jacking (or jilling, though women are never mentioned) off doesn't involve two people's body parts—make that "one man's and one woman's body parts"—creating friction by the one rubbing inside the other. Maybe it's because every moment thinking about sex means another moment of not thinking about God. We sure as hell don't know—but one thing we do know is, these people are nuts. But wait; it gets worse. Not only does this video, titled "Wounded On The Battlefield," preach against internet porn and, in a veiled sort of way, against jacking off; it actually encourages students who find out that one of their classmates has been porn-surfing or masturbating, to narc on the kid to church authorities. "If you reach out in the spirit of love and humility, you can help the spiritually wounded find the Savior," the video counsels. "If you need to, talk to your bishop. Tell someone who can do something, that you have a friend in trouble. Don't be silent. Don't leave the wounded on the battlefield." And they're not kidding about the "battlefield" part; more than half of the video is a staged reenactment of soldiers taking fire in a forested war zone circa 1914—what they used to refer to as "The Great War" before WWII came along. But who knew that for Mormons, a "battlefield" is a teenager's bed... or bathroom or car or empty locker room or anyplace he (or she) can find a quiet corner to "rub one out"? But despite the clear implications of the video, the guy behind it, the guy who narrates it, BYU-I president Kim Clark, says it's not about masturbation at all! "Neither my talk nor the video has anything to do with masturbation," Clark claimed to Time magazine in an interview. "There’s nothing in the video or in my talk about that. We were really focused on addictions, pornography, things that are really damaging spiritually to people." Of course, if it were about "addictions," plural, one would think they'd have mentioned at least one besides porn (which, of course, is not addictive, nor even psychologically habit-forming for most of the citizenry, even Mormons). And if Clark thinks that natural responses like wanting to watch people have sex or masturbating are "really damaging spiritually," then maybe he can answer the age-old question, "If God hates sex so much, why did It make the activity so pleasurable?" Almost needless to say, when Time asked whether Mormons think masturbation is a sin, Clark evaded the question, saying, "Well, it is interesting. I would frame it this way. Masturbation is a behavior that, if continued, could over time lead to things that are sinful, so the counsel that the church gives to its leaders is to counsel with young people to help them understand that their bodies are the temple of the Holy Ghost. That comes right out of Corinthians, that is what Paul taught, and it is a beautiful doctrine—that our bodies are a great gift from God and we need to take good care of them, and that the procreative powers that God has given us, he cares very much about how they are used, and so that we need to learn to use them in ways that are in accordance with his will and his mind." In fact, the idea that "porn is addictive" was the thread that wove through Clark's entire interview. "Pornography is one of the addictions that if not dealt with and addressed can lead to very, very serious problems. Because we live in a world where the media is just saturated with sexuality, and where lots of things that are out there in the mainstream are pornographic, we felt it important to teach people and to help our students understand the dangers out there. ... Pornography is like a plague in our society. We want to educate our young people to be aware of that. That is also true of drugs, alcohol, sexual activity before marriage," adding almost as an afterthought, "Lying, cheating, stealing." Dang, those Mormon kids can't catch a break! No jacking off and no sex before marriage??? No alcohol or pot??? And apparently, Clark thinks his stance is the correct one because, in his mind, everyone who looks at porn hides it and feels guilty—no thanks, of course, to him and his church's teachings! "One of the characteristics of people who get involved in pornography is that it is done in the dark," Clark claimed. "It is something people try to hide. Oh yeah, they feel very guilty. Because they know, it is like anyone who gets caught in bad choices they make or situations where they choose to do things that are not right." And the only way out of that "guilt" is—you guessed it—turning to religion. "Feelings of guilt are very useful," Clark declared. "You do not want them to get rid of the guilt by anything other than turning to what is right. ... So actually guilt is there. It is the part of this wonderful blessing that God has given us, that we have a conscience, that when we do things that are wrong, we feel guilty. It’s like pain in the body, spiritual pain." Only a religious nutbar would think that getting aroused by looking at pictures of naked people having sex, or by masturbating to such images, causes pain. The word you're looking for, Kim, is "pleasure"! And most sane people have no problem enjoying that pleasure with the lights on! Of course, this crap is nothing new for Mormons. Back in 1970, Mark E. Petersen, a member of the church's Council of the 12 Apostles, wrote a letter about the dangers of masturbation which was included in that year's Mormon Missionary Guide. His advice on how to avoid the temptation to jack off includes "Never touch[ing] the intimate parts of your body except during normal toilet processes"; "Avoid[ing] being alone as much as possible"; and "When in bed ... dress yourself for the night so securely that you cannot easily touch your vital parts." We're also particularly amused by Petersen's "suggestion" that in order to prevent masturbation, people should "Avoid people, situations, pictures or reading materials that might create sexual excitement." (We're guessing that would include some of the racier parts of the Bible, including the Song of Solomon.) But our favorite "suggestion" is, "In very severe cases it may be necessary to tie a hand to the bed frame with a tie in order that the habit of masturbating in a semi-sleep condition can be broken. This can also be accomplished by wearing several layers of clothing which would be difficult to remove while half asleep." [Emphasis added] Mormons: Gotta love 'em—but maybe think twice before following their advice on sex.