Autoblow Announces Anus Beauty Contest

CHICAGO—Makers of the Autoblow 2 announced their newest contest, the Anus Contest. The contest is the latest in a string of unusual beauty contests sponsored by Autoblow 2: The Scrotal Beauty Contest and The World’s Most Beautiful Vagina Competition were conducted last year by the company, The Anus Contest runs now through Nov. 8. “I hope that all Americans will warm up their voting rights in the Anus Contest before hitting the polls to vote in the Presidential Election on Nov. 8,” said Brian Sloan, inventor of the Autoblow 2. “I invite people from all countries of the world, especially those which are not democracies, to experience the unique flavor of our American democratic process by participating in the Anus Contest, which I have constructed to be as much like our Presidential Election as possible. I feel so happy that people of all cultures and of all races and of all religious will come together, even if it is only to vote on the attractiveness of eachother’s butt holes.” For the next 35 days, contestants may submit photos of their anuses to AnusContest.com where the voting public will assign each anus a score between 1 and 10 stars. The 3 individuals with the highest scored anuses will win respectively $5,000, $3,000 and $2,000 and have their anuses replicated onto a new series of Autoblow 2+ sleeves. As Sloan stated in the Anus Contest’s informational video, he was plagued by the question of whether or not a beautiful anus exists, and hopes that this contest will find the answer. The contest is a “battle of the sexes, anus edition.” Chicago singer/songwriter David Safran wrote and performed a theme song for the contest which Sloan turned into a karaoke style music video featuring anus-like fruits and vegetables.   The Autoblow 2 began its life in 2014 as a crowdfunded blowjob machine; the viral vulva beauty contest added vaginal functionality in 2015.   Contestants may enter and the public is invited to vote at AnusContest.com. Winners may choose to remain anonymous.