Marco Rubio's Big Idea: Whistleblowers Out Prostitutes, Get Cash

JESUSLAND—For those who might be wondering what Sen. Marco Rubio (Batshitcrazy-FL) would do about the "porn problem" if he were elected president, there is perhaps a clue to be found in his "100 Innovative Ideas for Florida’s Future," which he created after having been elected Speaker of Florida's House of Representatives in 2006. "Whistleblower status should be afforded to everyone who reports these crimes, even if they are involved in the act," read Rubio’s 43rd "idea." "As an incentive for reporting the illegal activities, whistleblowers should also receive half the proceeds from any forfeiture actions brought in the case." It seems likely that Rubio was thinking about high-profile sex workers, whether they be found on high-end websites or hanging around upscale Miami/Orlando/Tampa/Key West country clubs and exclusive watering holes of the rich and famous, since many sex workers only earn enough to keep themselves and their families out of hock—but it's still a bad idea. Even worse (or perhaps simply more interesting) is that the proposal would not only allow "johns" to turn in the prostitute after the pair have concluded their business, but also even allows for sex workers to turn themselves in for the prosecutorial immunity that comes from being a whistleblower. It also leaves the door open for anyone to file a report—even if the supposed "sex worker" has never accepted a dime for sex in his/her life! Think of it as "revenge porn" for the very sexually conflicted. "Rubio further argued that those who use websites that promote illegal sexual activity should have their names 'placed in a registry'," reported Daily Beast correspondent Tim Mak. "That would 'discourage people from patronizing businesses and websites that promote criminal activity.' The new law would also be coupled with a 'large-scale advertising campaign' to shame those who 'promote illicit sex' in Florida, encouraging people to come forward with information relating to 'these destructive, demeaning crimes'." As it turns out, Rubio's proposal never made it through Florida's Senate—and Rubio's campaign never got back to Mak when he queried whether Idea No. 43 was still something Rubio supported—but if the adult industry didn't have many other good reasons why Rubio shouldn't be elected, Idea No. 43 should be near the top of the list.