Run! Run! The Sex Is Coming!!!

SAN LUIS OBISPO, Calif.—A few minutes after 11 a.m. on July 10, shoppers at the Target store on Los Osos Valley Road in San Luis Obispo got a break from the usual schmaltzy music one normally hears over department store public address systems. New reports of the incident have been making the rounds in cyberspace, but leave it to the local alternative weekly to add a little levity to the situation in its commentary. "All of a sudden we hear the electronics department, and it sounds like a TV malfunctioning," shopper Lucia Novoa told the local New Times magazine. "Then the words come out, and those are not appropriate Target words. You know Taylor Swift is not saying that." Novoa had been shopping at the store with her fiancé and young son, and was surprised to run into her grandmother there as well, who took the 8-year-old off toward the toy department to shop for a present, since the child's birthday would soon be arriving. "All of a sudden you hear a loud moaning, and then you hear a 'You’re now listening to Porn.com,'" Novoa reported. "And then it literally goes into the audio of a full blown, triple-X, nasty, nasty porn." According to reports, words like "fuck" and "pussy" were in plentiful supply, as well as plenty of moans and other sounds of sexual intercourse being performed. "The entire staff, you can tell they were incredibly embarrassed, and you can tell the store manager was livid," Novoa stated—and then had her fiancé round up her son and 86-year-old gran, and headed for the exit, while Novoa calmly put her items through the checkout line. While store employees tried to locate the source of the broadcast and shut it down, the police were called and everyone was evacuated from the building, though it's unclear why. "It made for probably one of the best Target experiences ever," Novoa assessed. "Highly entertaining! Two thumbs up!"