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February 04, 2015

Hey, Vivid Celeb: Up For a Randy & Evi Quaid 'Sex Video'?

CYBERSPACE—Anybody remember Randy Quaid? He debuted in the classic The Last Picture Show, and had major supporting roles in Independence Day, Brokeback Mountain and National Lampoon's Vacation, among many others—until sometime in about 2009, when he apparently went a bit nutsy. He and his wife, Evi, a former Helmut Newton model, now live in Canada, apparently as a result of their being charged with vandalism on a house in which they were living in Santa Barbara—which Quaid now claims was stolen from him. And now, the couple have taken to the internet to air grievances against News Corp (and 21st Century Fox) owner Rupert Murdoch and Warner Brothers, alleging that the two entities owe him at least some gratitude for helping them earn, in Quaid's estimation, "well over a billion dollars." "I helped News Corp and Warner Brothers earn well over a billion dollars for the films Independence Day and Christmas Vacation," Quaid states in a brief online video. "What did I get in return? A Warner Brothers exec, Bruce Berman, stole my house, and News Corp's The New York Post continues to smear me to high heaven with a pack of lies. For good measure, Warner Brothers even had my wife and I falsely arrested six times by TMZ. No, for real! That's really how it works: Hashtag PMC—police media corruption—boom!" ("Arrested ... by TMZ"? The gossip website/network? Seriously?) "Evi and I have been put through a living hell; a living hell of biblical proportions," he continues. "So how do we retaliate? What do we do? Well, I still have a few tricks too. (Opens his coat) This is the very same shirt I wore in ID4 [which was never released] when I saved the world—another act that Rupert Murdoch still hasn't paid me for! So Rupert, you want to fuck me? I'm gonna fuck you!" Quaid then proceeds to hand his bikini-clad wife a cut-out mask of Murdoch's face which she puts on. Quaid then puts her in doggie position facing the camera and simulates fucking her from behind, while yelling, "Together, Rupert; together we'll wipe out police media corruption!" as the Quaids' dog barks in the background. Attaboy, Randy; keep it classy—and watch your (e)mail; you can probably expect offers for a "celebrity sex video" from at least half a dozen adult producers!

 
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