Friday's Celebrity Porn Offers!

LOS ANGELES—If it's Friday, it must be Make A Celebrity A Porn Offer Day! Today, we have two special offers that have been made to two very different public figures, neither of whom are likely to accept them. But then, who makes a porn offer to a celebrity that they actually think will be accepted? Ha-ha-ha... The first one we took note of this morning is from Stoned Girls, which is not actually a porn site, but "a company that features smoking hot women smoking weed run by women who love weed," though it does also include nudity and lots of sex talk and appears to be amenable to exploring more explicit fare. What's not to love? They have made an offer to troubled actress Amanda Bynes of $50,000 in cash or for a shopping spree, or, because the Stones Girls are upset that Bynes' parents allegedly "will not allow her to live in either Hollywood or West Hollywood, and her allowance from them is a mere $50-$100 a day," they also offer to "contribute this $50,000 toward the Amanda Bynes Hollywood Living Expense Fund." The Girls, whose "studio hosts weekly photo and video shoots," have extended the offer to Bynes if she will "come to our studio and do a shoot with us... We will welcome Amanda with open arms, and we know she will fit right in." More on the "fifty grand to get naked with us" offer can be found here. One word of caution. If Bynes does wind up at the Stoned Girls studio—for a shoot or a month—they might want to make sure she doesn't bring any hair dye with her. That's a joke, of course, but the Bynes matter is not. Bi-polar disorder is serious shit, which is why Stoned Girls make want to make a real offer instead of a creass one; maybe just a place to kick back, a joint to smoke on a stressful day, some "smoking hot" girl to talk to, a shoulder to cry on. Fuck the Fifty Grand and the nudity. Today's other offer is from interracial studio Dogfart, which has rightfully taken offense at the insane tweet allowed to go out though the New England Patriots Twitter account that contained the N-word. Their offer of a job cleaning porn sets (an anti-porn offer?) is being proffered not to a celebrity, however, but to an unnamed Patriots social media executive who may not even exist, for a mistake that was reportedly the work of a bot set to automatically send out retweets from Patriot's followers, one of whom is obviously a scumbag racist. Dogfart's also assumes someone was fired, writing in their announcement of the offensive retweet, "Someone had to have seen it and someone has to now be out of a job as a result." But there is no indication that anyone was fired or will be fired over this unfortunate incident, meaning the job offer will probably remain unfilled, though we do also note that Dogfart says the pay for the job cleaning porn sets would start at $50,000 a year, the same amount Stoned Girls is offering! Coincidence? If it's Friday, it must be Celebrity Porn Offer Day!