BunnyRanch's Hof to Form Consortium to Buy L.A. Clippers

Now that Bunny Ranch brothel owner Dennis Hof has instituted a lifetime ban on basketball baron Donald Sterling from ever entering the world-famous bawdy house after the recent reports of racist remarks made by the Los Angeles Clipper bigwig, Hof has announced that he's forming a prospective ownership group with his high-paid prostitutes, clients, and celebrity friends to purchase the team from Sterling. Last week, the National Basketball Association (NBA) issued a lifetime ban of the L.A. Clippers owner for racially insensitive comments brought to light by his former girlfriend—and could soon force the shamed real estate mogul to sell the franchise as well. Hof, who owns a total of seven legal brothels throughout Nevada, and stars in his own reality HBO-TV series Cathouse, said Tuesday that Sterling was joining a dubious group of previously ostracized public personalities including NFL quarterback Michael Vick and "Duck Dynasty" star Phil Robertson, who have been told that they are persona non grata with any of Hof's multi-cultural courtesans. And while Hof would not confirm or deny that Sterling had visited the Bunny Ranch in the past—citing privacy considerations—he insisted that his zero-tolerance shunning notice was dead-serious.  “Teams ranging from the Green Bay Packers to the Boston Celtics have had great luck in allowing their fans to participate in ownership,” said Hof. “I think the notion of an embattled team like the Clippers being rescued from the clutches of a hateful racist by a multi-ethnic group of successful businesswomen is just what the NBA needs to improve the tarnished image of this once-great sports franchise.” Where V. Stiviano, the whistle-blowing former girlfriend of Sterling is concerned, Hof has an addiitonal offer. "Ms. Stiviano was brave enough to stand up for what she knew to be right in spite of the financial repercussions to her, and any business partnership would benefit from such a selfless display of ethics," Hof noted. "I would like to offer her a position with our ownership group as Vice President of Player Relations. This team has been ripped apart, and hiring the woman who righteously pled the case for racial equality to this old Jim Crow throwback would be the perfect choice to mend the fences with those men on the court." Hof's one hesitation in making a bid centers around his friendship with the Buss family, who own the rival L.A. Lakers. "Johnny Buss has been a dear friend for years," Hof stated. "I hate to go into competition with his family, but a friendly cross-town rivalry might be just what Los Angeles needs." The world famous Moonlite Bunny Ranch is featured in the long-running award-winning HBO reality TV series Cathouse, and is one of the most successful legal brothels in the history of the planet.