Pitcher's Twitter Porn Collection Forces Cardinals Apology

ST. LOUIS—Considering the veritable tsunami of porn that cascades across the screen, courtesy of the Twitter "favorites" of St. Louis Cardinal pitcher Carlos Martinez, we're kind of surprised no one noticed before this, but notice they have and today the team issued a public apology. The apology came fast, about as quick as a professional sports team can react to anything. After all, the shit didn't hit the fan until last night at about 6 p.m., when Deadspin posted up a two-plus-minute video, a sort of greatest hits of Martinez's favs put to the Dating Game theme, or as Deadspin crassly put it, "...what Cardinals pitcher Carlos Martinez masturbates to..." Even huge fans of porn have to acknowledge that's not exactly the sort of media commentary a baseball team wants to read about one of its players. Considering the circumstances, however—the hardcore nature of the content displayed by Martinez, and the sheer amount of it—the team's response has been both restrained and respectable. "We're embarrassed, and he's embarrassed," said team manager Mike Matheny, who elaborated on the situation by trying to defuse the situation without putting too much of an ethical exclamation point on it. "I’m not trying to shove my morality down anybody’s throat. I’ve made that very clear," he added. "But I also need these guys to understand that it’s not just me that they need to be concerned about. There are a bunch of young guys that absolutely admire these guys and everything that they do. Realize—is this something you’d want your kids to see? Is this something that you want to be known for? Is this how you want to be remembered? I think the days of Charlie Barkley saying he’s not supposed to be a role model—that’s garbage. If that’s what you want to do then you should have been a computer programmer sitting in your flip-flops at home somewhere. "We are, like it or not, role models, and that’s the danger when this thing hits the area that it hit," he continued. "There are a lot of young eyes that love the St. Louis Cardinals and their players and could be easily influenced. Regardless of your moral compass and where it points, those sort of things that we’re talking about are not things we want our kids seeing." According to the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, "The Cardinals have not asked Martinez to stop using Twitter or take down his page entirely. He has edited the Twitter accounts he follows." The entire story has moved with lighting speed, and may die just as quickly, thanks to the quick response and deft handling by the Cardinals' manager, who addressed the issue in detail this morning in response to questions from the media. In a real sense, though, Matheny was talking right past the media directly to his players. warning them in as avuncular a fashion as he could muster, "Anything that you do right now is one fraction of a second away from being all over the world. There has never been a time in history like this. That just heightens our message and heightens our urgency to make sure we are diligent and we are disciplined to educate and make aware that something like this happens it’s going to be an embarrassment to you. Something like this happens it’s going to be an embarrassment to us." Speaking for Martinez, who has yet to comment officially, the manager added that the pitcher had "acknowledged" his mistake, but he also seemed inclined to leave it at that. "He’s willing to stand up and figure out how to move forward from it," added Matheny. Moving forward should actually be relatively easy, considering the priorities that loom for the player as well as the team. Reports the Post-Dispatch, "Martinez, who starred as a reliever during October, will start Friday's exhibition season opener against Miami. The righty has impressed in camp and is one of the pitchers competing for a spot in the opening day rotation." That said, what gets posted to the internet stays on the internet, and while the "offending" Twitter account has been scrubbed, Deadspin still has the greatest hits in all its glory. On a final note, Martinez should also be happy he doesn't play cricket!