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October 01, 2013

Porn and the UK Civil Servant: A Tainted Love Affair

UNITED KINGDOM—On this side of the Pond, we wonder when the hell you Brits will get a bloody backbone. We’ve met enough of you to know you sport some of the dirtiest minds in Europe, and don’t mind in the least letting a foreigner know what sorts of perversions are, in a manner of speaking, right up your alley. Indeed, we know a number of Britain’s finest lads pushing well into their sixties who remain vocally proud of their own particular fetish. Our experiences over the years have convinced us that the famous British reserve is pretty much a myth when it comes to sex and porn, especially after a Guinness or two. But so is the country’s penchant for peeking into a citizen’s private business. Our NSA is fast catching up in terms of its insistence on knowing everyone’s shit, but we’re still laggards when placed against the imperial right of the Crown to make a mockery of even the most basic notions of privacy. The latest call to protect the children is pretty laughable coming from a nation that as a traditional rite of passage sends its offspring off to sadistic boarding schools as soon as the little buggers are old enough to wear long trousers. No wonder the English roam the world in perpetual search of personal destinies they are denied at home. Boarding schools create orphans (and perverts) with the same efficiency prisons reform schools out criminals. It’s actually the same difference when all is said an done. Now these two embedded predispositions find themselves in direct conflict, and it looks as though the Orwellian instinct is the stronger, at least for the moment. Instigated by hysteria and fed by a particularly intolerant strain of feminism, the nation is looking for perverts under every desk and in every ministry, including Parliament! The most recent disclosure, as of less than an hour ago, is that employees at the Department for Transport  (DFT) have also—hold your ears, little ones—attempted to look for porn on computers while at work. Oh yes, island citizens, per Huffington Post UK, “Following a Freedom of Information request, the DfT disclosed that since the start of September, pornography websites received 47 hits via the department's network.” There’s even a detailed list of the supposedly off-limits destinations, as follows: * 7 hits for Openxtracker.com * 1 hit for Outube.com * 1 hit on Calandrastudio.com * 14 for Playboy.com * 6 for Best-free-porn-links.com * 1 for Youporn.com * 5 for Bigboobstightblouse.tumblr.com * 3 for Perfect-asians.com * 3 for Onlybabes.tumblr.com It might be worth noting that the DFT employs filters to prevent access to just these sorts of sites, leading a spokesperson to inform HuffPo “that such attempts to access websites would have been blocked by the department's servers,” making all the more ludicrous the comments by the outraged oaf from the Taxpayer’s Alliance that, “It’s outrageous that civil servants are spending time in the office looking at adult websites.” Actually, they more likely left work early to run home for a quick wank.

 
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